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Arsenal Pies' Top 10 West Ham jokes

Arsenal travel to West Ham tomorrow hoping that we can perform better than we did against the Hammers last season when they took all six points in our Premier League meetings.

With the Gunners currently hitting the best form they’ve been in for two years I somehow doubt that Alan Curbishley’s team will be able to repeat that feat this season and just to get you in the mood for the weekend, here’s my top 10 West Ham jokes with which to target the Upton Park faithful.

1. Alan Curbishley is wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he notices an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stops and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replies, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

2. What's the difference between West Ham's goalkeeper and a taxi driver?
The taxi driver will only let four in!

3. What’s the worst thing about Upton park?
The seats face the pitch.

4. Why do Hammers fans plant potatoes round the edge of Upton park?
So they have something to lift at the end of the season.

5. Alan Curbishley doesn't stand for nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall. Absolutely filled with rage he grabbed them by the collars and said, "Get back in there and watch the game till it finishes!"

6. Apparently, when Harry Redknapp was West ham manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

7. A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with West Ham United, because they don't beat anyone."

8. What's the difference between a West Ham fan and a supermarket trolley?
The trolley has a mind of it's own.

9. West Ham manager Alan Curbishly walked into the Nationwide Building Society one day whilst a robbery was in progress. One of the robbers hits him over the head and knocks Curbs out cold.
While coming around, Alan says "Christ, where the hell am I?"
One of the staff tells him he was in the Nationwide
Curbs replies, "It's May already then!"

10. Four surgeons are taking a tea break:
1st surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says, "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says, "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says, "I prefer West Ham fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."

Can you think of any other Hammers jokes? Then share them here using our comments section

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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 28, 2007 2:32 PM in News| Players
| Comments (4) | digg this | this | Stumble It!


I like how you used jokes that had no relation to west ham at all. I call them insert team here jokes, well done numb nuts I bet you parents are so proud.

Posted by: Cobber | September 29, 2007 12:08 AM

That wasn't funny, I'm a West Ham fan and can take a joke but I don't think we are going to be a laughing stock this season. The spuds on the other hand are causing much merriment at the mo, It makes me mad (and I can't stand them) to think how they bought Bent when they already have Defoe who I think would get more goals if they played him. They obviously needed to spend it on a centerback and get rid of Ledley cause Rocha is joke all on his own. I'm not surprised you did a top ten of unfunny WH jokes after last season and if anything were better equipped to repeat the feat but if not at least we won't defend as bad as Derby, now that was funny!

Posted by: Richard | September 29, 2007 12:16 AM

I'm a gooner and I have to say those jokes are awful. Really, really, cringe-inducingly bad.

Posted by: Adebayor | September 29, 2007 10:25 AM

The funniest joke here is the fact that the arse have the nerve to put this stuff on here when out of the last four meetings between the clubs west ham have one three and drawen one.......laugh away arse!!

Posted by: Javier | September 29, 2007 2:16 PM

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