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Arsenal Pies' Top 10 West Ham jokes


Arsenal travel to West Ham tomorrow hoping that we can perform better than we did against the Hammers last season when they took all six points in our Premier League meetings.

With the Gunners currently hitting the best form they’ve been in for two years I somehow doubt that Alan Curbishley’s team will be able to repeat that feat this season and just to get you in the mood for the weekend, here’s my top 10 West Ham jokes with which to target the Upton Park faithful.

1. Alan Curbishley is wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he notices an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stops and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replies, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

2. What's the difference between West Ham's goalkeeper and a taxi driver?
The taxi driver will only let four in!

3. What’s the worst thing about Upton park?
The seats face the pitch.

4. Why do Hammers fans plant potatoes round the edge of Upton park?
So they have something to lift at the end of the season.

5. Alan Curbishley doesn't stand for nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall. Absolutely filled with rage he grabbed them by the collars and said, "Get back in there and watch the game till it finishes!"


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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 28, 2007 2:32 PM in News| Players
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Your vote: Lassana Diarra was Man Of The Match against Newcastle


Our first real glimpse of Lassana Diarra on Tuesday evening left many of us wondering why on earth Chelsea let Arsene Wenger steal him?

The 22-year-old Frenchman was simply untouchable against the Magpies and the conversations in the pub afterwards were along the lines of just what a tough task Gilberto might now have in winning his place back in the first team.

Indeed, with Diarra drawing comparisons with his former Stamford Bridge team mate Claude Makelele, the prospect of seeing both him and Cesc Fabregas playing alongside each other in midfield is mouth watering to say the least.

So it should come as no surprise that you lot voted Lassana as the Arsenal Pies Man Of The Match against Newcastle earlier this week. Diarra amassed 39% of the vote, while fellow debutant Lukasz Fabianski also impressed you with his commanding presence in the Arsenal goal, earning him a credible 27% of your nominations.

Thanks again to Polldaddy for the technology to run the survey, the full results of which can be seen here

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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 28, 2007 12:52 PM in Players| Poll
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Could Miguel Veloso be wearing Arsenal colours next year?

Sporting Lisbon defensive midfielder Miguel Veloso has become the latest player to be linked with a move to the Emirates Stadium as Arsene Wenger looks for a long-term replacement for Gilberto.

The 21-year-old is one of Portugal’s hottest prospects and recently made his debut for the full national team, having been his country's best player in the Under-21s UEFA European Championship earlier this year.

Miguel is the son of former Portuguese defender Antonio Veloso, who was a stalwart for Sporting’s rivals Benfica, but the general feeling in Portugal is that he can become a far greater player than his father. His promise was encapsulated with his man-of-the-match performance in last season’s Champions League clash with Inter Milan, which alerted the continent’s top clubs to his skills after successfully snuffing out the threat of Patrick Vieira and Luis Figo.

However, if Arsene Wenger is interested in bringing Veloso to North London, he could be up against some stiff opposition, with both Manchester United and Liverpool rumoured to be eyeing the youngster. There isn't much footage of him on the internet, but I did manage to find the clip above from June’s Under-21 tournament.

Do you think Veloso would fit in to the Arsenal system? Share your opinions with fellow Arsenal Pies readers here

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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 28, 2007 12:10 PM in News| Players| Transfers| Video
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What the papers say: Alisher Usmanov increases Arsenal stake again

Alisher Usmanov's bid to take control of Arsenal Football Club is continuing apace as more and more small shareholders cash in on their investments. And the way the board is treating the Russian billionaire only seems to be strengthening his resolve to oust them.

Here’s what the main dailies are saying:

The Sun - English football has lost its soul
Arsene Wenger last night claimed English football has lost its soul. The Arsenal boss blames the speculators buying the Premier League’s top clubs and believes it is a recipe for disaster.

The Times - Alisher Usmanov ups the stakes in Arsenal power game
Alisher Usmanov, the Uzbek businessman, has increased his shareholding in Arsenal today after his investment company, Red and White Holdings Limited, raised their stake in the club by a further two per cent to 23 per cent.

The Mirror - Russian ups Arsenal stake
Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov last night increased his stake in Arsenal - and then declared war on the board for "slurs" on his character.

The Telegraph - Alisher Usmanov increases Arsenal stake
Russian Alisher Usmanov has increased his shareholding in Arsenal to 23 per cent.


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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 28, 2007 10:40 AM in News
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Ten more Arsenal Englishmen waiting in the wings


By way of answering the critics, I did a bit of research into just how many players on Arsenal's books are English.

On Tuesday night, the Arsenal squad that faced Newcastle had more Englishmen in it than any other nationality, with Justin Hoyte, Gavin Hoyte, Theo Walcott and Henri Lansbury making up a quarter of the Gunners numbers.

Indeed, according to the official club website, five of the 29-strong first team squad are English, while in the reserves and youth squad, 16 of the 25 players featured on Arsenal.com are English. And there are a number of other English players who don't, as yet, have profiles on the website.

Yesterday I brought you details of 10 of Arsene Wenger's young home-grown stars. To see that article, click here.

As promised, here is another batch of 10 who we might hopefully get the chance to see in the Carling Cup competition later in the season. To access more details about each player, simply click on their name to go to their profile on the Arsenal website...


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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 27, 2007 3:10 PM in
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Redknapp – Entire Premier League is envious of Arsenal

You’ve got to love him, haven’t you?

Those quirky remarks, that amusing tick, the whole ‘wheeler-dealer’ persona and his rather less championed quality – that eye for a foreign talent.

Yes I’m talking about Jamie’s dad, Frank’s uncle and Portsmouth’s manager: childhood Gooner Harry Redknapp.

The former West Ham boss has demonstrated his taste for easy-on-the-eye football teams throughout his managerial career, signing countless ‘entertainers’ during his time at Upton Park [Paulo Di Canio, Eyal Berkovic etc] and doing likewise at Fratton Park.

His current crop at Portsmouth are an extension of his philosophy, combining craft with graft in the form of athletic but skilful African players who pepper his side.

His ability in the transfer market and persuasive personality has enabled him to sign England internationals Sol Campbell and David James when other, bigger, clubs were also in the hunt.

When he says the rest of the Premier League are a little green-eyed at Arsenal’s embarrassment of riches in their playing squad, a man so qualified to comment can’t be too wide of the mark.

He said in his column in The Sun:

“The jealousy isn’t because the Gunners are perched top of the table after a blistering start to the campaign.


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Posted by Mo Khan on September 27, 2007 2:25 PM in News
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Could Luka Modric be reunited with Eduardo at Arsenal?

We’re barely into the second month of the season, but speculation has already begun about who Arsene Wenger might be looking to bring in to Arsenal in the January transfer window.

One player who seems destined to move clubs is Luka Modric of Dinamo Zagreb, the 22-year-old midfielder who was Eduardo’s main provider last season when the striker notched 34 goals in 32 games. To find out more about Modric, have a look at the above interview I found on YouTube.

Modric has been linked with big money moves to both Ajax and Bayern Munich, but if Le Gaffer is interested - and rumour has it that he has made enquiries - then we could see Luka on his way to London in the New Year.

The benefits of reuniting Modric and Eduardo could be fantastic. Despite Eduardo’s massive goal haul last season, Dinamo Zagreb did not stand in his way to move on, but they will put up a bigger fight to try to keep Modric, who they rate as their best player. And Modric himself can put them away, having scored 20 goals in 69 appearances for Zagreb and three in 18 games for the national side.


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Posted by Gordon Masson on September 27, 2007 1:30 PM in News| Players| Video
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